Welcome to Madly Bemused!
Musings on the word "mad" and our internal GPS.
Welcome to the first edition of Madly Bemused! The purpose of this piece serves to reclaim the word mad as something powerful, sexy, authentic, and all-knowing. It endeavors to re-write the narrative that the wild woman is “too much.” If she is too much for you go find less! This new narrative says she is our future. This one tells the feminine to look only within to rediscover her sacred spark, rather than tame it per external cues. No seductive title, Ivy-league credential, lip injection, partner, ridiculously large ring, million dollar wedding or deal, or extra-terrestrial accoutrement will make her whole. She already is, she just has to believe it.
When the Romans joined forces with the Catholic Church, spiritual feminine practice was banned. By association, there was a ban on Her innate powers. So a woman is logic'd out of her own witchy power, where her sacral authority screams what’s good. The “insanity” of our gut-guiding life force makes those who are not listening feel uncomfortable or jealous, so they write her of as “crazy” or “weird.” It is easy to lament or degrade when one has had to keep herself small to morph into molds. But how often do you stop to stop and hear the whispers of the coulds rather than the shoulds? In my story, it was in the silence of life's halt that answers came. For if we do not pause, we cannot receive our truth. If we do not make quiet time to receive, we become subsumed in noise and numbed in the doing.
Not only does the word mad include the first three letters of my name, it also serves as a double entendre. My derech (Hebrew for "way") is for a woman to reclaim her own wild for herself. The stories where we are meant to feel like “too much” - whether that's too emotional, too talkative, too big, too dramatic, too hungry, too nosey - must die. When we are marked as “too much” (or even “a lot”) in a pejorative way, we then shrink and tame authentic parts of ourselves for the comfort of others. While on the surface we appear to perform the role of polite “good girls” our insides slowly crumble as our truth is squeezed and denied (hence the birth of the self-sacrificial wounded feminine). My favorite
The etymology of the word mad tracing back to the thirteenth century old english literally means “to be out of one’s mind.” But why is this such a frowned upon state? Our world is one that is governed by laws of logic and look at it: riddled with violence, war, ego, deception, and control.
Often women are labeled "mad" if they cannot be made legible in preferred modes. For instance, in the late nineteenth century French neurologist Jean Martin Charcot studied women who “acted out" and diagnosed them with a “new female malady” called hysteria. I wonder: were they actually hysterical or just existing in and judged by a world that was not created for them? In a world existing a century after Charcot’s study, I observe many – like myself – labeled insane or crazy for straying from what is perfectly prescribed and apparently controlled. We are scared to venture out into the of-kilter and we ignore our visceral pings. But what happens when we slow down to listen to them?
Take my most recent example: I quit (multiple) “coveted,” “revered” (subtext: high paying) finance jobs for wonkier, more creative roads. When people wanted to know what I was doing, I couldn’t provide a concrete answer. While I was pretty OK not knowing, the world didn't seem to be. Many were uncomfortable with my inability to put my life path in a collected box with a neatly tied bow and a curated label. In the midst of this “quarter life crisis” (there also were two break-ups involved during this time), I “ran away” to Israel, without family or friends, without a mapped out plan other than to just be. How novel. I knew I was not running away, but running toward. I listened to my pings without “a reason” but my Soul GPS (in the words of Oprah) or Knowing (in the words of Glennon Doyle) was reason enough.
To act on such Knowings are called leaps of faith not leaps of logic. Through my leaps of faith, I started to heal and regain trust in myself. I gleaned a broader, more meaningful understanding of my personhood. I also experienced one of the most mystical summers of my life. e irony is once we start to find our own inner peace the outside world starts calling us crazy. As women our intuition is heightened - this is one of our greatest gifts. When you feel something, don't ignore it. When you feel frustrated with a decision, usually it is because the world's conditioning is diametrically opposed with your own Knowing. You are not mad for having pings, you are a force. My favorite Marianne Williamson quotes is: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” The fact that she is running for President shows us that the new paradigm of the divine feminine is taking shape. I wish more of us would believe these words. WE ARE SO MADLY POWERFUL!
Be emboldened to take back your own light in the festival of lights. It's time to start believing in the magic!
Madly in love with you, Madeline